I'm laying in your front yard are you home
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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