I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
