mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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