dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
