I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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