There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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