i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.