I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.