So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?