she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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