I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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