Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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