i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?