I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire