I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer