Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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