I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
