I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My pussy is not your playground.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
