I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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