i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
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You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.