they're staring at me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting