Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"