Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
