I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
