Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
