I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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