I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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