what if every blade of grass was a penis?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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