I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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