I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.