dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates