i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.