so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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