Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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