Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
