what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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