As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
