he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
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i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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