I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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