I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.