So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.