So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐