Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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