let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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