Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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