i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
