and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
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im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.