There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.