I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize