I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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