Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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