Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
