all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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