This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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