OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
