I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
