May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
