my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
