you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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