you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's rum buckets o'clock
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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