so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
