i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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